Knock, knock…who’s there?

Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

One dozen dignitaries.

Dignitaries who?

The one dozen dignitaries you have been saving all that crap for…we’ve come for it…all that stuff you have saved for 20 years in your nasty, cluttered, overflowing bathroom drawer.

Huh?

Not sure what to do with myself this morning. I cleaned out the bathroom drawers over the weekend. My daily fun sport is over for awhile. You know the sport…rooting around in the drawer, pulling out first one thing and another, and thinking (before stuffing it back in and pulling out something else)…

“TARNATION! I have to clean out this drawer! Hmmm…what is this? 

OH, I can’t throw THAT away…I might need that on some vague distant day if a dozen dignitaries knock on my door and need odd-sized band aids, bottles of half-used hotel hand lotion, and multi-colored eye patches…better keep those…cram them back in for now….now, what the heck, was I looking for? Oh, yeah…[rustle around some more] OMG…what is this???”

Nobody Cares What I Wear and I LOVE it!

The mid-50s are great years. One of the perks of living in a college town is that nobody gives a d@mn what this middle-aged woman is wearing as long as the subject matter is tastefully covered, there’s no unsightly jiggling, and my shoes are quiet (e.g. the slap-slapping of rubber flip flops or house shoes doesn’t punctuate every move I make around the office).

If I like an outfit (costume, or whatever one cares to call one of my work ensembles) and if it fits right, I buy five or six of them and basically wear the same “uniform” every day for that season.

An added bonus of being this age is that since no one is looking at my middle-aged bosom, it goes unnoticed that I have tucked into my bra a large cell phone (one that I can see), car keys, a credit card, $50, my favorite tube of lipstick and a police whistle. (It’s smaller than my pistol, but just as loud.)

Yes, I think that things just keep getting better after 50. At this age, a woman knows how to be safe, fashionably dressed, and ready to go out with friends at a moment’s notice. (The only downside to these fun years is that I actually intended to make a post about Macy’s Friends and Family sale that is going on this weekend…you can see how well that worked out.)Image