The link at the bottom of this post will tell you exactly why; and, the author agrees with me, so it gives me a chance to sound off a little bit.
So…why did Robin do it? Now, that’s a heck of a question to pose to a widow or a family member. More than a few acquaintances asked me that when my husband, a handsome, successful, witty, and seemingly happy man, killed himself.
By the way, by “acquaintances,” I do NOT mean my family and friends who were as heartbroken as I. But, for the others, the folks who picked over the remains of my life looking for gossip, I had two stock responses. One was, “H3ll’s bells. If I had known the answer, I believe I would have stopped it and we would not be having this conversation, don’t you?” and the other was for me to deadpan stare at the one asking and say, “Because I am a witch and I cast a spell on him.”
I cannot take credit for the latter. The idea came from a superstitious young man at the car wash…a perfect stranger who told me “People come through here sayin’ you a witch because you ain’t afraid to stay in that haunted house where he done it.” I could not help myself. I laughed, which only perpetuated the legend, and thereafter, I felt entitled to use my witch-and-spell response as a defense mechanism when it felt appropriate. And, besides, I knew that there were those who just might genuinely think that to some degree I had some influence over that decision. You have to give ’em what they want to hear because people think what they want to…especially in small towns.
Then, there are the brilliant thinkers who, because they are scared to death to have a single thought that such a horrible situation could drop in on their lives and they must always know the answers and believe they are in control–they say, “Oh…wow…he took the coward’s way out!” To that, I say, “Well…hon, bless your heart and be careful out there.”
I talked to God about it constantly trying to come to terms with it all, and whether you believe that God spoke to me or not (or, if you think I am batsh!t crazy) doesn’t matter, but sitting in my first home in College Station at the kitchen table one very beautiful morning, I got the answer and was never bothered about the way Gary died again–grieved, yes, bothered and ruminating? Never again.. The expert in this article explains it. Suicidal depression tells the victim that those he loves will be better off without him. “Insurance is paid up. Affairs are in order. They will be better off without me.”
Unfortunately, when determined, strong people who love their families fall victim to suicidal depression, they don’t play around. They don’t threaten, whine, or hold loved ones hostage with suggestions that they might do it. They make plans and they get the job done the first time. The only hint I had looking back was that he was having trouble sleeping.
Sweet friends, events of suicide in the news don’t put me into a funk. It’s been 15 years and I made complete peace with it a long, long time ago. I could wax on not so eloquently about it for some time, but the dogs say it is bedtime. If you really want to know the answer about Robin Williams’s unfortunate and untimely death, here it is.
Read the article by wonderful Dr. Kay R. Jamison – To Know Suicide: Depression Can be Treated.