Okay, Jan-fans. Here’s the latest.
Her: There’s a new movie out. It’s called or “Splash” or something like that. You know it….Ooohhh. What.Is.It? [She scoffs at me because I, like the rest of the world, am holding back on her and not giving her the instant response she demands.]
Tell me the name!
Me: Mother, I don’t know it. What’s it about?
Her: I KNOW you KNOW! A blind football player– Huckabee said it is about a football player who wants to play football real bad and they figure out how to let him play.
Me: Okay…let me find it for you. [I am scurrying around on the internet to avoid another disdainful scoff and searching for “blind football player movie Huckabee”]
Her: It was on Huckabee…try words that rhyme with “splash.” It’s REAL popular and EVERYBODY knows about it.
Me: Except me. [Because *everybody* in the U.S.A. and China watches Huckabee except me.]
Her: WHAT IS THAT NAME? Crash? Mash? Slash?
Me: Looking as hard as I can!
Her: Well, I just thought you would know about it..
Me: Eureka! Here it is! Movie tells story of blind Kentucky football player…
Her: That’s it!
Me: The movie is “23 BLAST.” Let me see if it is an early release on DVD. I will have it sent to you today.
Her: NO! Don’t do that!
Me: Okay….what then??? [I start laughing…]
Her: I don’t know! [She’s laughing.] Huckabee said it would be inspirational; I thought maybe you needed to see it, then I said, “No, she’s too busy.” Maybe somebody you know…
Me: Hmmm…okay, I’m not really interested…Mother, this is “a Janet Classic moment.” You have me searching like a fool for something we don’t want to watch.
Her: Well, you had those eye problems and it was on Huckabee.
Me: …but I can see now and I’m not interested in playing football if I lose my sight.
Her: Me either! DO NOT SEND IT to me. [She’s laughing.] I DON’T want to see it and Warren will insist on watching it — I don’t care for football and he loves it. It’s bad enough with him checking scores while my programs are on. He does that during the commercials.
Me: I know. You watch the Waltons while the Aggies are playing.
Her: Yes I do!