Spring breakers invaded my nail salon today.

[Written March 12, 2015]

Spring breakers invaded my nail salon today. I had to actually WAIT to get my nails done.

The ‘breakers were getting things fluffed, buffed, plucked, puckered, waxed, massaged, and whatever else necessary to get ready for the annual celebration of exposing 90% of their bodies’ skin to the elements when it’s 50 degrees outside.

They’ll come back to town beet red with as much windburn as sunburn and say it was the time of their lives.

Sign me,

The grumpy ol’ townie woman [who, along with her best friend Debbie, some 30 years ago spent many a cold and windy day lying in the bed of a blue pickup truck on Surfside Beach to achieve an enviable and legitimate suntan before the 1st day of April.]

Five Minute Culture Collision at the Office

[Written March 12, 2015]

Today, my officemate (who may or may not be named Kendra) and I were being busy little bees when the IT guy walked into our office, apparently with a question for me. IT guy mumbles, and I think he asks me, “You have fiddy?”

His South African accent made it a little hard to tell what he wanted…so I said, “What? Do you mean you need “fifty cents,” or, are you asking me if I own Fiddy Cent music?”

IT guy turns to Officemate, “Ha! Pay up. I told you she would definitely know what ‘fiddy’ meant!”

[What? Officemate and IT guy are betting on the vocabulary of the oldest woman in the building? What is the world coming to?]

Once the bet was settled, IT guy and I did a little unimpressive street talking…you know…because all middle-aged white women are so good at it if they learned a few phrases from watching The Wire (“Omar coming!” and “You feel me?”) and listening to Iggy Azalea (” ’bout to get real”)–she is an Australian kid, for pete’s sake.

Him? I am pretty sure he’s secretly a famous comedian masquerading this IT gig as a cover to avoid the College Station paparazzi. He is probably South Africa’s own version of Benny Hill–because, “droppin’ tags, yo” in a British accent is a sidesplitter.

But, the bonus round goes to Officemate who said, “I don’t know anything about all that ‘change to throw,’ ‘yo’ or ‘fiddy,’ but you put me in a beer joint…well…I speak very fluent ‘beer joint.’ “